Make Love, Not War
by Langus
Summary: Marriage isn't always bliss, not even for our favourite vampire couple. When Edward and Bella have the fight to end all fights and he returns to find her gone, what happens next? Will he find a way to put the pieces back together? Post-BD with spoilers.


_Make Love, Not War_

- A_ Twilight _One-Shot –

by, Langus

We had a fight.

It was the first real fight we've had since becoming Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen, definitely the first since Renesmee was born, and it was bad - real bad – almost as if all the months of happiness leading up to it had been the calm before the storm. There was screaming, lots of it; plates were shattered and horrible things were said. My eyes stung and throbbed and my hand continued to wipe at my cheeks out of habit, forgetting that my body could no longer shed tears.

It'd only been a few hours since he'd peeled out of the driveway in his black Aston Martin, destination unknown, but God how I missed him. I'd spent the last half hour staring up the drive, straining every single one of my heightened senses in the hopes of catching some sign of his return. I was met with disappointment instead.

I tuned out the voice inside my head that wondered, "What if he never comes back? What will you do then?" I'd said some truly awful things to him, words that I regretted the moment they left my lips. Remembering the look that'd come over his face when I said those things sent a surge of anguish twisting through my insides and I turned away from the window with a grimace. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to come back. How could he after that?

The Cullen house, for once, was silent all around me. I stood a while in the hall at the top of the stairs, listening to the clock ticking the minutes by in the kitchen, and realized that I'd never felt more alone.

Renesmee was gone with Jacob to La Push; it was where she spent most of her free time these days. Carlisle and Esme were visiting the Denali coven in Alaska, while Emmett and Rosalie explored Africa on an extended vacation. Alice and Jasper were… well… we weren't exactly certain. We'd all awoken one morning to find them gone, with only sparse reassurances through Edward that they were both doing just fine. Well, no one could fault them for wanting some time alone.

I hugged my arms around my body, suddenly wishing that someone, _any_ one of the people I'd come to love and depend on was there to comfort me.

I soon found myself in Edward's old room, running my hands over his rows and rows of perfectly alphabetized CDs. When I got to the end of the row I closed my eyes and breathed him in, taking what little comfort I could from the traces of his scent left on the air.

It'd been a long time since I'd stepped foot into this room. Now that we had a place of our own it wasn't often that we spent time in the Cullen main house at all, but there were still a lot of memories in this room for us. They were memories I had to strain to remember, but if I tried hard enough they were there, ready to be shined up new like a dirty penny.

I found his Debussy CD discarded on the shelf and popped it into the player. I stood there alone, in the quiet, listening with my eyes closed to the soothing, lilting notes of Claire de Lune as they washed over me.

Was I wrong to be so angry with him? No… I wasn't wrong, but I didn't feel _right_ either. Why did it have to be so black and white – his opinion and mine? Wasn't there some sort of middle ground we could meet at instead? It didn't seem like it the way Edward acted. There was just no getting through to him when he got like that – stubborn and dramatic - it was so frustrating it made my want to tear my hair out by the roots! Couldn't he, just this once, try to see things from my point of view?

With my anger re-kindled, I wasn't in any sort of mood to be lulled by Debussy. I sent the CD flying out his window somewhere far into the forest and followed after it, eager to distance myself from the imposing silence of that big, empty house.

I ran for hours, it seemed, but it could have been days for all I was aware. It was nearing dark by the time I finally thought to stop. I hadn't a clue where I was, not the faintest idea how far from home or civilization, but I didn't care. All I knew was that I'd needed to get away from that horrible deafening silence and out here the forest was anything but quiet. All around me animals and insects chirped and called to one another in the twilight and it was exactly what I needed. Frozen in that small clearing, I stood still like stone and became just another part of the forest – alive but unmoving like the trees. It felt good to be a part of something again, to feel like I was right where I needed to be.

When it got dark I started a fire, determined to see if I could do it on my own. Apparently my mother's determined efforts to keep me enrolled in Girl Scouts hadn't been for nothing. Before long I was sitting atop a freshly unearthed boulder, basking in the warm orange glow of a small campfire.

It's funny how your mind begins to wander when you stare into the flames. The whole world just seems to get quiet and then it's only you and your thoughts keeping each other company. I realized while sitting there just how badly I'd needed this time to myself. I'd felt the pressure building for months without ever understanding what it was or how to stop it, until it'd all boiled over today in the argument to end all arguments.

I'd made a real mess of things. In a few hours time I'd find my way back home to Edward. I'd apologize to him for all the horrible things I'd said and ask him to forgive me. With any luck he'd let me step once more into the warm, safe, comfort of his arms and we could both pretend like this day had never happened.

It didn't matter any more who was right or who won the fight, at least not to me. I was okay with conceding defeat because I'd had the chance to experience this – this small taste of freedom and the emptiness that went with it. I didn't want to feel that forever. I didn't want forever at all if I couldn't share it with him.

He stood behind me on the edge of the tree line for a long while before either of us spoke. I knew he was there from the moment he arrived. The warm familiarity of his scent washed over me and brought with it an ache of longing that twisted my stomach into knots. The apology I'd been so certain about earlier stuck in my throat and my stubborn jaw clenched tight shut, refusing to utter the words.

So much for good intentions.

"Bella." The sound of his voice was different to my ears. It was strained, lacking the usual velvety smoothness I was used to. I kept my back to him and my eyes staring straight and unblinking into the flames.

"Bella, please look at me."

After a quiet internal struggle, I relented and turned to face him. He stood between two trees at the edge of the clearing wearing such a wounded expression I immediately felt my heart drop. I was instantly reminded of the look that'd been on his face earlier, just before he'd left. He wore the same pained expression now, the one that told me I'd gone too far and cut him too deep. With a quiet groan, he sank to his knees and I was at his side before the thought had even fully formed in my mind.

"Edward? Edward! What's wrong?"

I noticed the way his hands fisted against his thighs and he kept his head lowered, shielding his eyes from me.

"When I got back and you were gone I thought…"

His words were so soft that even I had to strain to hear them. Tentatively, I touched my hand to his shoulder, "What? What did you think?"

He pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering.

"I thought you'd left. I thought I'd lost you forever."

I felt my heart clench in my chest as the guilt that'd been trickling through my veins suddenly rock me in a great crashing wave. I'd done this to him. I'd caused him so much pain. Edward, the one man I loved more than any other in this world, was the only one I had the ability to hurt this badly. And I'd done it so carelessly, like it was nothing. How could I possibly ask his forgiveness now?

"Oh, Edward…"

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his shoulder. He sat as still as a marble statue beneath me with his fists stuck to his thighs and his eyes glued to the ground. I listened to the steady rhythm of his breaths and the choked gasp he uttered before asking his next question.

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About regretting…" He paused and swallowed hard before continuing, "About wishing that I'd never changed you?"

Out of all the things I'd said today, those were the words I regretted most. They were the ones that'd instantly morphed his expression into that pained look I detested so much. They were the ones that brought him here to me and left him like this. If I could've gone back in time to that very moment when I'd uttered them I would've gladly thrown myself through a plate glass window before doing so again.

"Edward…"

"Did you?" He looked up at me then. His eyes were coal black and frantic, almost panicked. He took hold of my shoulders, gently, and forced me to meet his gaze. "Bella, if you regret what I did to you, I need you to tell me. I have to know! I can't go on thinking…"

"Thinking what?"

He tore his gaze from mine as though he were too ashamed to meet it. "That I've made you so unhappy," he answered quietly.

I bit my lip to hold back a sob and flung my arms around him instead, sending us both crashing into the dirt.

"Edward Cullen, you're such an idiot!"

"Bella?" He looked thoroughly perplexed now – confused and hurt, without a clue what to make of things.

"How could you think, even for a moment, that you've made me anything but happy?!"

His eyebrows lifted in surprise and he opened his mouth to offer a retort but I didn't give him the chance. I lowered my voice and looked away, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.

"About earlier… I said some horrible things to you, things I didn't mean at all, not even a little. I was just so _angry_ and frustrated that you wouldn't listen to my side of it and instead I ended up making things worse. I didn't mean what I said; not the part about wishing you hadn't changed me, or any of the rest of it, I promise. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but for what it's worth… I'm sorry."

The sudden crushing weight of his arms around me momentarily knocked the breath out of my lungs. I lay still, not breathing, with my cheek pressed into the firm muscles of his chest.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…"

He squeezed me tighter and planted a kiss into my hair. Confused, I managed to push my body up far enough to see his face relaxed in relief and a hint of a smile on his lips.

"I don't… Shouldn't you be mad or upset or _something_…?"

He chuckled lightly, amusing himself at my expense as usual.

"Don't you understand?" he asked rhetorically. It was pretty obvious from my expression I hadn't a clue what'd sparked his sudden change in demeanour.

"Bella, I came here thinking I'd already lost you. I wandered for hours searching for a way to win you back. I talked with Jacob down at La Push. I sat with Charlie for a while too before I called Carlisle...

"Bella, I want you to be happy, more than anything. I came here tonight convinced that if the only way I could make you happy again was to let you go, then I was strong enough to do that. But the moment I saw you, Bella, my resolve evaporated into nothing. I was kneeling there on the ground wondering how I was going to let you go when I can't survive without you and now you tell me that I don't need to give you up at all. You've just spared me from an eternity of loneliness. How could I possibly still be mad?"

"But those things I said-!" I objected incredulous.

His expression grew serious and he held my face gently between his hands. "Did you mean them?"

My throat dried up and I merely shook my head 'No'. His smile was back in an instant. "Then there's nothing to worry about!"

I felt uneasy. From where I was sitting it felt like I was being let off light. He'd gone through so much pain today because of me and yet here I was getting off scot free. It didn't seem fair. He touched a finger to the frown lines creasing my forehead.

"Why the long face?"

"Edward…" I took a breath and pushed my body upright. "I think I need time to myself every once in a while – time away from you and Renesmee when I can be alone with my thoughts."

His expression grew thoughtful as his finger skimmed down the side of my face. "So that's what this is about. It's been hard on you, hasn't it, since she was born? You're always putting us first and worrying about yourself last. I should've realized earlier that you needed a break."

I looked away too ashamed to admit he was right. Did that make me a horrible person? Wanting a few hours to myself away from him and Renesmee? It felt like it. Every time the idea came up I'd stamped it back down, embarrassed that it'd been there at all. The result had been today's fight, a fight that nearly tore us apart and ruined everything we'd worked so hard to build.

I huffed a sigh and nibbled at my bottom lip. "Am I a horrible person?" I asked meekly.

He turned my face toward his with a finger under my chin, looked me square in the eye and answered, "Absolutely not. Bella, if you need a few hours to yourself, Renesmee and I will manage. If it means that I get to have you with me for forever, I'll gladly miss you for a few hours every now and then."

He gave me one of his famous dazzling smiles and I felt a similar one pull at my lips. I leaned down and shared a soft kiss with him before getting to my feet.

"Well, I suppose we should head back," I offered, casting a dubious look at the fire.

"What's the rush?"

His hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me gently back down to the ground.

"We've got a nice fire, beautiful stars overhead, and some time to ourselves. I wouldn't mind staying a little while longer."

It wasn't hard to miss the lascivious gleam in his eye, even in the dying firelight. Point taken. The lyrics to John Lennon's "Mind Games" were suddenly running through my head as my body curled into the familiar curve of his. His lips met mine, soft and placating, and I realized that despite my tantrum earlier, _this_ was the only place I wanted to be; the only place I ever wanted to be.

_Make love, not war. _

'Mr. Lennon,' I thought, fighting a smile, 'I couldn't agree more!'

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_Author's Note:_ A very big thank you goes out to everyone who read, reviewed and recommended "In the Midnight Hour". Because of your support, I was encouraged to dip into the _Twilight_ genre again and put together this one-shot. Marriage can't be easy 100% of the time and I figured that even our favourite vampire couple would have their share of rough patches. I hope you enjoyed the journey.

All comments/criticisms and reviews are appreciated!

All the best,

Langus


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